Carma Poodale is Home,Sorta

As you know on Friday, June 2nd, Carma passed away. This has been one of the most difficult times of my life. Our family is trying to pick up the pieces and if it wasn't for all the support that friends, followers, and even people we didn't even know giving us words of courage, I don't know if we could get through this.
CarmPoodale, my lifeline, my heart, Standard Poodle


I am trying to get through this to let you know what happened, please bear with me. This is the most difficult post I have ever written and considering she should be the one writing this, not me.

At the BlogPaws conference, Carma was doing fine. She would tire easily but thankfully we had the wagon that I bought a few days earlier. She loved that wagon. Her face showed that. 

After we got home we were all worn out. It is normal to feel rundown after any conference, even non-disabled people get the rundown blues afterwards. After a couple of days of rest, we went on doing what we needed to do but Carma continued to lay around. She slept longer and wasn't able to get up and down easily.

After a few more days, she needed help to get to her feet. One day I stood her up and she fell back to the bed. She wasn't able to stand on her own and she was starting to cough a lot. I took her to the vet and they took a few x-rays of her chest to see what was going on. 

It showed that her bronchial tubes were enlarged and her left lung looked like it was starting to collapse at the bottom. She was already on an antibiotic for the infection she had on her leg where we had cut a huge growth off. This is why some of the photos that were shared of us at the conference, she had a wrap on her leg. I didn't want any foreign stuff getting in it especially with her laying on a hotel floor. 

For a couple of days, it seemed she was getting worse. We noticed she seemed to be getting bigger but wasn't eating anymore. I called the vet and he told me to bring her in because he suspected it was edema. When they saw her, the staff and he all agreed she looked puffy. He gave her a shot to help her since she wasn't wanting to eat, I didn't want to stress her out by pilling her more than I needed. The shot would last 24 hours and I would have to take her in the following day for another shot. The shots worked. 

We put pee pads under her because she was wetting herself. We had to keep reassuring her that she was a good girl and it was okay. One night she was trying to get up by herself and I thought maybe it was because she needed to move her bowels. She hadn't moved them in a couple of days but she hadn't eaten anything either. It isn't uncommon for a pet who doesn't feel well not to eat for a couple of days. As hard as she tried, she couldn't. I picked her up and carried her outside and held her up. She stood there and looked up in the sky but wasn't able to do anything. I carried her back and tucked her in. I have always kissed her goodnight, told her I loved her and she would kiss me back. That one kiss was the world to me. 

On Wednesday she seemed to be doing okay and acted like she needed to go out to try to move her bowels again. I picked her up and took her outside. I held her up while she stood there. She couldn't do anything but she was on her 3rd day of not eating. I stood up to reach for the door and lost my grip on her. She fell over with a huge plunk right on a pile of freshly given dog poo! I don't know who allowed their dog to poop that big pile in our yard but they should know that poop really STUNK! I had to pick up my poopy 70 pound poodle and carry her up the 2 steps into the house. I could have sworn I heard her laugh. I got her cleaned up the best that I could and deodorized her. After changing clothes I went to sit down and she started staring down the hallway. She would look at me and then down the hallway. She wanted to be in her own bed. 

I picked her up and on the way down the hallway my legs and back started giving out. I braced on the wall and we slid down as graciously as I could. When my butt hit that hardwood I think I shook the house a little. We sat in the hallway for a hour. I held her the whole time. I told her how much I loved her, shared stories of our adventures together, how she was an angel sent from heaven to take care of me and how she did that job better than I could ever imagine. She taught me more about myself than anyone ever could. I told her everything would be okay. 

She gave me a kiss. I got to my feet and I got her to her bed. I went outside and balled my eyes out. I don't know if you believe in God but I do. I talked to him and told him I needed more of a sign if this was it. I just couldn't bare to make that decision on my own. I couldn't end her life if there was any chance that she would get better. 

Friday I volunteer at the vet's office. I took her and Scooby in with me. She was in her wagon and Scooby settled on the dog bed beside her. I kept a check on her and then I would take patients to the room to be seen by the vet. I checked on her at 12:10 and gave her a drink of water. She was using my purse as a pillow and I went back up to the desk. A few minutes later, out of the corner of my eye I saw Scooby standing on the wagon looking in it. I thought maybe she spilled her water. I went to check and she didn't respond to my touch. Things go blurry there. I remember seeing the vet check for a pulse. 

My girl was gone. Carma Poodale died at 12:25 PM. She went peacefully in her sleep. God didn't force me to make the decision. 

Carma Poodale was cremated. She is now home with me. 

Carma Poodale's ashes, pawprint, poodle statue, photo  and crown she wore last
 Thank you from all of us for the support that we have gotten during this journey.

Carma Poodale will always be a Poodle with a Purpose. I hope I can continue to fulfill her mission. She inspired me to look for beauty in the world around us and to share smiles with all that we meet. She will forever live in our hearts.

Some have asked me if I would be getting another service dog. I would love to train another dog for service work but I can't even think about looking for a replacement right now. I am working on getting past the chickyum aisle at the grocery store without breaking down.

I put that in God's hands too. I trust he will lead me in the right direction. I have faith.


27 comments:

  1. It is never easy. Thank you for sharing her with us.

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  2. I am so sorry for your loss, Carma was exceptional. I'll miss her.

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  3. Our hearts are with you. So very sorry for this great loss.

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  4. I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss. Carma was one of a kind and will be missed. ~Island Cat Mom

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  5. I still have tears in my eyes from my LadyBug and reading this brings me back to that night. My heart goes out to you...it is the most heart-wrenching pain. Blessings to you and your family. Jeanne and Chloe

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  6. We're so sorry that Carma had to go to the Bridge. She was special and wonderful, and we were so blessed to have met her at BlogPaws some years ago. Sending you gentle purrs and prayers of comfort at this extremely sad time. <3

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  7. She looked up at the night sky . . . that's where my eyes got blurry. All Carma ever wanted was to help you. She was the best Poodale ever.

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  8. I know you know this. Carma had a very special impact on so many lives and always will. My deepest condolences. Beautiful post.

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  9. Such a wonderful and special girl, was your Carma, and this is such a beautiful tribute to her. Sending prayers you find strength to do what Carma would have wanted - for you to thrive. I hope she's looking down from heaven as your guardian angel while snacking on chickyum.

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  10. Thank you for sharing this special post, Bunny. You each were so very fortunate to have each other. And we all were so very fortunate to have Carma too. God bless you, Bunny.

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  11. I Love you with all my heart!!!

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  12. Bunny, I'm so very sorry for your loss. She was such a special girl, and touched so many lives beyond yours. You could see her adoration of you in her eyes. Please know I'm thinking of you right now and sending peace for your heart. Hugs.

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  13. Oh my gosh, Bunny. I think we're all crying as we read this story. I'm so grateful that she passed on her own. That you got to tell her her story one last time. And so sad for you and your family. (((HUGS)))

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  14. I'm glad you didn't have to make that choice,that your baby girl went when it was her time with no fuss in her sleep. But I am so sorry for you and your loss,hardest thing is saying goodbye and having to carry on without our babies,much love to you dear friend and always here for you,xxx Rachel and Speedy

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  15. Bunny, this just broke my heart. I'm so glad that He gave you the gift of taking her without you having to make that oh-so-difficult decision. May her memory always bring a blessing to your heart. Love and hugs. (and more than a few tears over here, too!)

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  16. Gosh we were so sad to hear about Carma. Your heart will be hurting for a while.
    Sending hugs
    Lily & Edward

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  17. I am so deeply, deeply sorry. As I mentioned on Facebook, I was delighted the two times I was at BarkWorld that you and Carma were always the two that I would see first. She was such a special girl. If there is any comfort, the fact that she passed peacefully in her sleep is also beautiful. I know how deeply you loved her and how much she loved you. I am so, so sorry (((hugs))) She will be sorely missed.

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  18. Thank you for sharing that beautiful special post with us. We are so sorry. We send you comforting purrs, love, and hugs.

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  19. Your post brought tears to my eyes. So very sorry for your loss. We are sending oodles of poodles kisses and healing energy while you process this loss. 💔

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  20. My heart broke for you when I read the news on FB and I'm crying as I type this. I'm so relieved for you that Carma decided when it was her time. She knew how much she was adored and you gave her the most beautiful life anyone could ever ask for.

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  21. I wish I had the words to comfort you right now, Bunny. I am so sorry for your loss. Carma has been an inspiration to a lot of people. God gave you a blessing in allowing her to return to Him while she was peacefully sleeping in your presence. God will give you what you need as you heal. A new story has just begun. I'm here for you any time I can help. *hugs*
    -Purrs from your friends at www.PlayfulKitty.net

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  22. I know there aren't enough words to comfort you at this time, but please know that the pet blogging community is right there with you. This is very hard and you need to take all the time you need to heal. My thoughts are with you.

    Paula

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  23. TW is bawling like a baby. I hope by sharing, it made it slightly easy. When the time comes, Carma will send another dog in your direction. You'll know when she does. We love you, Bunny, and know there are no words.

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  24. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Carma was a wonderful dog and helper for you. My thoughts are with you.

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  25. Dang...I just don't know what to say. She was such a special girl and I am so grateful she was given the grace to go with peace and dignity. xoxoxo from Deb and the Zee/Zoey gang

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  26. She was such a special girl, I can imagine how hard it 's been. I'm glad she's back home with you where she belongs. She'll send you signs she's still with you, you'll know it's from her. Tears and a smile, love doesn't end. My thoughts are very much with you.

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  27. We are so sorry we weren't able to send you our condolences before now. We looked out for you both in the BlogPaws photos, envious that you were there in the flesh & in 2014 we'd only got to hang out with 'flat' Carma... But, that was a moment in time... You have created a wonderful legacy for Carma through her blog and in the many lives she has touched. Thank you for sharing her with all of us, she will live on in you & her pals.
    Best wishes and much love,
    Annette, WeK, Isagold, Bettyblue & Finndawg xxxxx

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