A Dream, A Visit, Look For A What?

Yesterday, Jan.2nd would have been Carma Poodale's 11th birthday. It was a very hard day for me. I have tried really hard to accept her death but it hasn't been easy.
White poodle in purple vest, Carma Poodale, medical alert service dog

I am not wanting a pity party nor do I want sympathy, I am just writing the words out that I had such a hard of a time writing before.

Carma Poodale was my service dog. She didn't have some fake ID nor did I just call her my service dog. She was trained to assist me with my disabilities. Whether it was making me sit down before my legs gave out, to finding someone to help me or applying deep pressure therapy with her bony elbows to pressure points on my legs to ease the pain. She knew how to do it all without bringing attention to us.

About 3 months ago, I started searching for a new pup to start training. Litter after litter, photo after photo, I searched and I never got the feeling I felt I needed to feel. In my mind, I was cheating on her. The guilt became too much. I chose to learn to adapt to my situation and to learn to live with it. Afterall, I had MS before Carma and I dealt with it, I needed to learn to deal with it after she passed away.

White poodle with gold wings laying on bale of straw, Carma Poodale

But in the back of my mind, I kept hearing "don't stop looking". I started seeing poodles everywhere. I saw them in the clouds, in water droplets, in shadows. The mind can play tricks on you in ways you don't understand sometimes. I didn't want to look at any more poodles. I had the best and now she was gone.

A few weeks passed and my brain was on the upcoming holidays and other things and I hadn't thought much about anything except how to stop the laundry monster from winning the war. How 3 people could fill up a laundry basket so high when I did laundry every day was beyond me.

I had a dream one night and it was so vivid and felt like I was awake but I wasn't. I dreamt I was sitting outside by the pond and this bright sunbeam lit up behind the pond. When I looked up, there stood Carma.

She was so bright white that I almost had to squint to see her. She told me she had been watching over me and she was trying to send me hints to stop overdoing it but I wasn't listening. She didn't like that I wasn't listening. We talked for a few minutes and she told me that I shouldn't give up looking for a pup. She had been sending me hints of what to look for but since I was hardheaded, she had to make a deal with the big dog in the sky so that she could come to tell me what she needed me to hear.

I wanted to reach out and grab her but she backed away and said part of the deal is I couldn't touch her and she couldn't touch me. She said that she didn't have much time but she wanted me to know how much she loved me, she missed me and she knew how I felt too.

Before she left, she told me to look for the dot. And with that, she was gone.
white poodle, Carma Poodale, running across a bridge
I had no idea what she meant by "look for the dot".
 What dot? Where do I look for it? Will I know it is the right dot?? 

That left me with more questions than I had before! Carma knew I was slow at figuring out clues! Why would she give me a clue like Look for the DOT?  

I blew it off as one of those weird dreams. But she sure was beautiful in her white hair and silver wings. She was happy and smiling.

About a month after I lost Carma, my friend, Kay contacted me to tell me when I was ready to search for a pup, she wanted to help. After Carma passed away, Kay talked to some poodle friends of hers and they all donated to come up with $1200. The $1200 was to be gifted to me toward the purchase of a pup to train to be my next service dog. This blew my mind away and I believe my heart exploded with the love I felt surrounding me. 

Thanksgiving night I was online talking to a new friend that I had made online and she told me her dog was about to go into labor. The dog's temperature had already started dropping which is what happens before labor. I was so excited for her. 

On November 30, she wrote and told me her dog had the pups and she sent me a photo of all her grandpuppies.
Poodle newborns that are black and white
Soon as the photo came through, I looked at it and didn't see nothing but a DOT. I rubbed my eyes and I looked again. I began to ugly cry. I couldn't see the photo because I was crying so hard. I didn't know what I was crying about. I seen the dot but I see lots of dot in that photo!  But everytime I looked at that puppy on the end, I would even cry harder. I wanted to reach into the computer screen and take that puppy. 

The feeling that came over me everytime I looked at that photo, told me that pup was born for me. THAT was MY puppy. 

There were 2 extra puppies born in that litter. The owner knew there had to be a reason why. She knew they were born especially for 2 different people. The powers told her so. She knew who the 1 pup was going to because it had been promised before the birth but she didn't know who the second one was for, until she met me. She said she knew that pup was brought to earth for me.

Now I will come out with a secret I have been holding in for a month.........

I'm EXPECTING!!! 

It is a POODLE PUPPY!!!

I am so excited to start my new journey with my pup. I get to go through the puppy phase and watch as the pup learns everything new.  It has been 15 years since I had a tiny puppy. Jenny Sue was our last puppy. Carma was 11 months when I adopted her and Scooby was 6 years old when we took over ownership of him. 
 
The deposit has been put down on the puppy. The rest of the $1200 will be sent before I pick up the pup in Feb. but I could use some help. 

The pup is $1500 and I have to come up with $300 before Feb. This is on top of getting stuff for the puppy considering all my dogs were seniors.

If you would like to donate toward the pup purse, I would dearly appreciate it. You can do so at this link->Donate with Paypal

If you can't, that is fine too. I understand that not everyone can donate. I am grateful that you are reading this and have gotten all the way to here :)

🐩 😀🐩

I will fill you in more about more details of the puppy in my next post. With each photo I get, my heart feels a little bigger and my hopes and dreams are slowly waking up. 

Thank you for being there for me and reading my stories. I sure do appreciate my readers. 

Curious to know how long has it been since you have had a puppy or kitten? 

64 comments:

  1. Oh Bunny.....my heart breaks for you losing Carma and knowing how special she was in so many ways. But THE DOT!! Can't wait to hear about all the adventures in this next chapter.

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    1. oh - as for kitten....Chanel is about 9 months old and giving me the run around. :)

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    2. New kittens are a hoot. Daedae is stuck in kitten mode and is into everything but I don't ever want him to change. Molly has her kitten spurts too.
      At least with kittens you don't have to potty train them. LOL!

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  2. OMB this is So Exciting,and I can't wait for this bundle of joy to arrive at your home,I will be able to help out when I get paid again as I have to renew my passport this time but in couple of weeks I can so keep posting to remind me,xx Rachel and Speedy

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    1. Yes it is exciting! I am a nervous wreck with anticipation. LOL!

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  3. What an emotional post, I know that Carma will always be in your heart and that her birthday had to be so difficult. But, oh my goodness, I am also happy for you and I had goosebumps reading about your dream and the "extra" pups!

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    1. When the breeder told me about how 2 extra pups were born, I couldn't stop crying. One of the pups were going to her preacher. She said everyone in the church loved the preacher. He always wore really nice suits and the pup who was born for him looks like he is wearing a tuxedo.

      If that doesn't show a higher calling, I don't know what does. :)

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  4. I'm so excited for you! This puppy was definitely meant to be. Carma guided you in the right direction. The puppy phase is going to be a lot of fun to read about. I'm sure that Scooby, Molly Mew, and Daedae will have a lot to teach the new pup.
    -Purrs from your friends at www.PlayfulKitty.net

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    1. Thank you Robin. I have been wanting to tell everyone but was so afraid to because I didn't want to jinx the puppy. The pup is 4 weeks old now so I am feeling safe to tell the world.

      I am sure Daedae and them will welcome the puppy with open paws.

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  5. Oh, my...the highs and lows of blogging about a topic that is so personal. My Schatzi left me last December so I understand your heartache. Gusto was born in March. His full name is Miracle Living With Gusto...for a reason that runs deep. We both feel we would like to contribute to your puppy fund and are looking forward to your journey with your new pup!

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    1. I love your pups name!! I am so sorry that Schatzi passed away. It has been so difficult without my girl. Thank you for donating. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

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  6. I'm so happy for you! What a gift Carma gave you. Excited to read about your new little dot!

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    1. Thank you!! I will be documenting the pups whole life and you can watch them grow. Thank you for stopping by

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  7. Oh congratulations! Wow that's amazing that your pup is mostly paid for too. I had to google black and white poodles, as I hadn't recalled ever seeing one before. Are they uncommon?

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    1. Thank you Ann!The poodle is called a Parti-poodle. They are pretty common but most people do only have solid colors. I used to tell Carma that I was going to start telling people that she was a parti poodle due to the fact when she licked herself from allergies she would turn reddish. It took a lot of special shampoos to get that red out. She sent me a parti poodle instead :)

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  8. What a glorious little dot!! If it's a girl, I think you should name her just that, Dot!... after Carma and your dream. Sounds pretty serendipitous to me. I hope you and your new pup form an incredible bond and that they are just as perceptive to your needs as Carma was.

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  9. I love everything about this story. Your Dot is meant for you and I can't wait to see how this story continues. Wishing you all the best, and much love.

    —Wags (and purrs) from Life with Dogs and Cats

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    1. Thank you so much Susan! I can't wait to share my pups life with everyone. <3

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  10. Aww, congratulations on your upcoming puppy. The bond between a dog and the human can be so deep and strong; must be even so much deeper with a service dog. I can't even imagine. With Jasmine, I accepted her departure when I took is as a transition, rather than a departure.

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    1. Thank you! I look forward to sharing with everyone. I know it sure has been difficult without my girl but I feel she has sent me a blessing.

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  11. My heart is overflowing for you! There will never be another Carma, but I'll bet she is so thrilled you will be taken care of!

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    1. Thank you Robbi! I am hoping this pup has a little Carma in them. I look forward to sharing our life with everyone.

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  12. What a great story! I am sorry about the loss of Carma -- I know that feeling all too well and sadly the missing never really goes away...but I am glad to hear a new bundle of joy is on the way!

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    1. Losing Carma was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. I am looking forward to sharing everything with you all. Its been a hard journey but if she is guiding me from above, I can do anything!

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  13. I'm so sorry about Carma, but I'm sure Dot is the perfect pup for you. I'm so glad you've been led in the right direction.

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    1. Thank you. I sure feel like it is the right direction.

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  14. Congratulations! Is it a boy or girl? Will she be named Dottie?

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    1. Thank you! I will be having a gender reveal party soon!!

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  15. Carma appearing in your dream is just such a powerful experience. I'm so happy for you that you did see THE DOT! Looking forward to puppy tails & tales!

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    1. Thank you so much. I look forward to sharing with everyone.

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  16. I'm so happy for you. I love how Carma appeared to you in a dream. It is meant to be.

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    1. I sure felt like it was meant to be. It really was a powerful experience that was beyond my wildest dreams.

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  17. AW how wonderful Carma was able to lead you in the right direction!! What a relief that you were able to finally get her message and just in time too. Congrats!!

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  18. ConCATulations on your new puppy! Carma has not only found you a new service pup she has gifted you the joy of watching it grow into a helper and valued friend for you. What a dog, and what a dream!!

    Our kitty girl Dot says Welcome to your new and special Service Dog.

    Good luck and may 2018 be a year of discovery and love for you both.

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    1. Thank you!! I can't wait to share my pup's life and training with everyone

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  19. I am beyond happy for you Bunny! What an amazing dream. I can’t wait to see your journey with “Dot.”

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  20. Thank you for writing this post. I just couldn't tell how you felt about Carma, especially in Jacksonville you seemed to be doing so well. But this post made me understand and I'm so happy for your finding the dot! Good luck with a puppy, Dolly almost killed my husband and me, my first puppy ever and being in our 50s. But it was worth it and your Dot will be worth every chewed up piece of furniture or clothing. Sandra and Dolly

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    1. Jacksonville was my first trip without her but my fluffy Carma helped. I did cry myself to sleep everynight because I missed her so much. That was such a fun trip and I didn't want to bring everyone down, so I kept quiet about the pain I felt inside.

      Jenny Sue was a challenging pup. In a way I am praying this pup isn't as challenging as her. LOL!

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  21. Your dream had me in tears. What a wonderful experience you got to have, and I truly believe Carma sent your new puppy to you. I haven't had a kitten in 35 years. I went several years without a cat, and when Lexy adopted me she was about 1 1/2. Lola was about seven months - so that's the closest I have come to a kitten.

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    1. I sure hope those were happy tears. Kittens are so fun. So are puppies. I love being able to experience the "new" milestones in their lives.

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  22. What an amazing story! That dream! THE DOT! WOW!!! We can't wait to hear more about "the dot." It is obviously meant to be, so we know there will more amazingly heartwarming stories. Sending lots of love to you and your soon-to-be new pup!

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  23. Congratulations!! This is such a beautiful story of love! Thank you so much for sharing this with your community!

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    1. Thank you!! I have been about to burst at the seams with excitement. I can't wait to start sharing photos!!

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  24. ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤

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  25. I'm almost ugly crying right now. Some of these guys have such a connection to us, that even death cannot separate us. I'm glad Carma came to you and gave you her sage advice. I look forward to hearing your stories. Our last puppy was 13 years ago when Sampson was born. Thanks for sharing this, I'm super excited for you.

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    1. :) I look forward to sharing puppyhood with everyone. I feel it will be a challenge since it has been so long since I had a puppy but I feel I am ready. Thank you for stopping by and reading this.

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  26. Thrilling and exciting news. Can't wait to meet your Dot once you bring it home. Sending oodles of poodles blessings your way. Happy 2018!

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    1. Thank you so much! I can't wait to share the new chapter in my life

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  27. It will be 2 years this March since I helped my Shiloh become an Angel at the Bridge - something i can accept intellectually but emotionally, not there yet - even after Miss Maizie came to live with me and Lady Shasta. There is still a part of me that cannot believe he is gone from this earth - I was reminded of that again today when Facebook brought up a memory of him and Lady Shasta.

    As for The Dot - all the other pups may have their SPOTS but I definitely see a DOT on your pup that Carma told you to keep a watch for. I am so happy for you that Carma was able to visit you so that she could tell you to be on the lookout - even if you did pass it off as one of those "weird dreams" at first - what matters is when it happened, you realized it. So happy for you- can't wait to watch the puppy grow.
    Mom Kim

    PS - The last really young pup I had (8 weeks) was Lady Shasta over 11 years ago - Miss Maizie was 8 months when she came here in May of 2017.

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    1. I am so happy you also see the dot. It seems like our babies were babies yesterday but it really has been a very long time. Maybe you are like me and when I look at my babies they still look like babies to me.

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  28. A truly emotional piece - it brought back a lot of memories for us. Your heart has known true love and that makes it capable of loving to that level again... and there comes Dot!

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    1. I hope all those memories were good ones.

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  29. Dot? Where's the red dot? Oh another kind of dot. A heart Dot for sure. We were touched by your dream and story but you know we have to joke around. Can't wait to see how happy a puppy makes you even if it's a lot work aka a labor of love. Expectancy becomes you as your writing has that certain glow. Concats!

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    1. Daedae didn't see the dot either. MOL!

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  30. This is the most beautiful post I've read in I don't even know how long!! I'm so happy that you have finally found your puppy! See, Carma never did stop looking after you and I know she will continue to look after you and your new puppy. Clearly a match made in Heaven! I wish you the very best with this new puppy.
    Love & Biscuits,
    Dogs Luv Us and We Luv Them

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    1. Thank you Cathy! I am excited to share my journey of puppyhood and service dog training with everyone. I can't wait to get my hands on this pup.

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  31. Just seeing this now. I am so very happy for you, Bunny!! I lost sweet Callie over two years ago, but sometimes it feels like two months, even as little as two weeks ago. Yet, when I need her, she finds a way of letting me know her spirit will always be with me. I can't wait to meet your little Dot! I wish you a long life of happiness with her! I was struggling to not let my tears surface as I read the post because hubby is right here and wouldn't understand.

    To answer your question, our last puppy was Shadow - 13 years ago - and Callie six months earlier. Ducky was already seven months old when we adopted her from the shelter.

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  32. Wow. What a beautiful backstory. I'm so sorry about your love Carma. How amazing though the "DOT". Carma let you know. That's really amazing to me. What a blessing now. Congrats on your new poodle. 2018 is going to the a great year of new beginnings for you.

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  33. Mee-you wee got all leeky eyed here reedin yur story...an wee toe-tallee bee-lieve Carma gurl came to you inn yur dreem...an that this puppy iss here fur you!!!
    This iss so xcitin! Mee came inn to LadyMum'ss life onlee A WEEK AFTUR shee had to say "Goodbye" to NYLABLUE her beeluvved Bluepoint Birman/Siamese gurl. LadyMum spoke to her an her other Bluepoint Siamese Mingflower an asked them to send her to thee rite place to find her next kat...shee all so asked if that kat culd bee a Burmese kittyboy.....
    A week later LadyMum went to 'help' with an Adopshun event an there mee was climmin uppy the X-Pen an tappin her on thee shoulder.....
    LadyMum NEW inn her heart mee was her 'littul Purrince'. Wee met Novemburr 29th, 2014 an mee moved inn Decemburr 9th, 2015....wee been together efurr since!!
    ***nose rubsss*** Siddhartha Henry xXx

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