I am not wanting a pity party nor do I want sympathy, I am just writing the words out that I had such a hard of a time writing before.
Carma Poodale was my service dog. She didn't have some fake ID nor did I just call her my service dog. She was trained to assist me with my disabilities. Whether it was making me sit down before my legs gave out, to finding someone to help me or applying deep pressure therapy with her bony elbows to pressure points on my legs to ease the pain. She knew how to do it all without bringing attention to us.
About 3 months ago, I started searching for a new pup to start training. Litter after litter, photo after photo, I searched and I never got the feeling I felt I needed to feel. In my mind, I was cheating on her. The guilt became too much. I chose to learn to adapt to my situation and to learn to live with it. Afterall, I had MS before Carma and I dealt with it, I needed to learn to deal with it after she passed away.
But in the back of my mind, I kept hearing "don't stop looking". I started seeing poodles everywhere. I saw them in the clouds, in water droplets, in shadows. The mind can play tricks on you in ways you don't understand sometimes. I didn't want to look at any more poodles. I had the best and now she was gone.
A few weeks passed and my brain was on the upcoming holidays and other things and I hadn't thought much about anything except how to stop the laundry monster from winning the war. How 3 people could fill up a laundry basket so high when I did laundry every day was beyond me.
I had a dream one night and it was so vivid and felt like I was awake but I wasn't. I dreamt I was sitting outside by the pond and this bright sunbeam lit up behind the pond. When I looked up, there stood Carma.
She was so bright white that I almost had to squint to see her. She told me she had been watching over me and she was trying to send me hints to stop overdoing it but I wasn't listening. She didn't like that I wasn't listening. We talked for a few minutes and she told me that I shouldn't give up looking for a pup. She had been sending me hints of what to look for but since I was hardheaded, she had to make a deal with the big dog in the sky so that she could come to tell me what she needed me to hear.
I wanted to reach out and grab her but she backed away and said part of the deal is I couldn't touch her and she couldn't touch me. She said that she didn't have much time but she wanted me to know how much she loved me, she missed me and she knew how I felt too.
Before she left, she told me to look for the dot. And with that, she was gone.
I had no idea what she meant by "look for the dot".
What dot? Where do I look for it? Will I know it is the right dot??
That left me with more questions than I had before! Carma knew I was slow at figuring out clues! Why would she give me a clue like Look for the DOT?
I blew it off as one of those weird dreams. But she sure was beautiful in her white hair and silver wings. She was happy and smiling.
About a month after I lost Carma, my friend, Kay contacted me to tell me when I was ready to search for a pup, she wanted to help. After Carma passed away, Kay talked to some poodle friends of hers and they all donated to come up with $1200. The $1200 was to be gifted to me toward the purchase of a pup to train to be my next service dog. This blew my mind away and I believe my heart exploded with the love I felt surrounding me.
Thanksgiving night I was online talking to a new friend that I had made online and she told me her dog was about to go into labor. The dog's temperature had already started dropping which is what happens before labor. I was so excited for her.
On November 30, she wrote and told me her dog had the pups and she sent me a photo of all her grandpuppies.
Soon as the photo came through, I looked at it and didn't see nothing but a DOT. I rubbed my eyes and I looked again. I began to ugly cry. I couldn't see the photo because I was crying so hard. I didn't know what I was crying about. I seen the dot but I see lots of dot in that photo! But everytime I looked at that puppy on the end, I would even cry harder. I wanted to reach into the computer screen and take that puppy.
The feeling that came over me everytime I looked at that photo, told me that pup was born for me. THAT was MY puppy.
There were 2 extra puppies born in that litter. The owner knew there had to be a reason why. She knew they were born especially for 2 different people. The powers told her so. She knew who the 1 pup was going to because it had been promised before the birth but she didn't know who the second one was for, until she met me. She said she knew that pup was brought to earth for me.
Now I will come out with a secret I have been holding in for a month.........
It is a POODLE PUPPY!!!
I am so excited to start my new journey with my pup. I get to go through the puppy phase and watch as the pup learns everything new. It has been 15 years since I had a tiny puppy. Jenny Sue was our last puppy. Carma was 11 months when I adopted her and Scooby was 6 years old when we took over ownership of him.
The deposit has been put down on the puppy. The rest of the $1200 will be sent before I pick up the pup in Feb. but I could use some help.
The pup is $1500 and I have to come up with $300 before Feb. This is on top of getting stuff for the puppy considering all my dogs were seniors.
If you would like to donate toward the pup purse, I would dearly appreciate it. You can do so at this link->Donate with Paypal
If you can't, that is fine too. I understand that not everyone can donate. I am grateful that you are reading this and have gotten all the way to here :)
I will fill you in more about more details of the puppy in my next post. With each photo I get, my heart feels a little bigger and my hopes and dreams are slowly waking up.
Thank you for being there for me and reading my stories. I sure do appreciate my readers.
Curious to know how long has it been since you have had a puppy or kitten?